Been a Dog My Whole Life

A child prodigy

When I was 7, I got in trouble for checking out a chick walking by and say,” Nice Tits”.  I didn’t even realize that I had said it out loud.

Trouble was, my parents spent a lot of time away from home leaving my developing mind to be exposed to my Dad’s Hustler collection.  So, I developed a high tolerance for porn at an early age along with a calloused dick from fapping about 10 times a day.

But as much of a horn-dog as I am, I can’t come close to topping this first time sex story.

A dude at my college was a member of the football team and a 19 year old virgin.  He was a virgin because he was an ugly dude made far uglier by his acne scarred face.  In fact, don’t let the past tense of acne scarred lead you to believe that his problems were over.  He looked like Freddy Krueger without the hat. 

So, his roommate, who happens to be serving time now for vehicular homocide, decided that he needed to get the big fella laid.  As all plans made in a drunken haze usually turn out, it was far easier to slur the pledge than to complete it. 

Eventually a savior appeared in the form of one of the sluttiest chicks on campus, maybe the sluttiest.  Affectionately known as “the Train” for the line of dudes waiting outside her room most nights,  she took more crotch hits in one weekend than an entire season of America’s Funniest Home Videos.  Moreover, her self-esteem was so non-existant that she was proud of herself.

Anyway, they hooked the big virgin up with the Train.  Turned out that Pizzaface had never even kissed a girl before.  They assembled throng made them have sex in the shower, so they could listen in on the tribal festivities.  The Train didn’t mind and apparently the virgin knew where to put his dick although that twat was huge so he couldn’t miss it (I only heard that, I swear I don’t know firsthand).

After about 30 seconds of fucking and only a minute after his first ever kiss, the kid showed what he was made of when he yelled, “Turn around bitch, this one is going up your shitter!”  Ah, true love.

Catch you later fuckheads.



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